


Erin Gilbert, Certified Heterosexual

by issiefrancis



Series: Together [1]
Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Angst, Autistic Jillian Holtzmann, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, confident gay holtz, etc - Freeform, i guess, sexually confused erin, slight angst, they're not all there in this chapter but they will be!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-14 11:25:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9179482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/issiefrancis/pseuds/issiefrancis
Summary: Erin just cannot work out if Holtzmann is gay. So, like any normal questioning person, she does some "scientific research".





	1. Chinchillas

**Author's Note:**

> The websites mentioned are real, and my other reference was a hilarious book from the '90s called "So You Want To Be A Lesbian?" for all the gay stereotypes.

Erin hates herself for doing this. Her browser is in incognito mode, her fingers hesitant on the keyboard. Even though she's alone in her own apartment, she's pressed up against the wall, screen dimmed.

 _How do you know if you're bisexual?_ Erin squeezes her eyes shut for a moment.

There's several hits from a site called Autostraddle, a couple of YouTube videos by _The Gay Women Channel_ , a series of Buzzfeed and Cosmo quizzes. She starts out reading, then moves on to the YouTube videos, volume down so low she can barely hear.

By the end of her "research", she has a list. Her favourite item on it is from one of the YouTube videos – _likes both cats and dogs_. Apparently lesbians prefer cats, and not even Erin can miss the innuendo there.

She's going to work her way down the list and find out if Holtzmann is _really_ gay or if all of her flirting with Erin is just her personality. Erin already knows in her bones that Holtz is _more_ than into her, but she needs tangible "scientific" proof to give her courage. Or alcohol. That would probably work too. Erin shrugs. Most importantly, she needs to know about her own sexuality: she knows she's attracted to men. But women? The occasional perhaps-wanting-to-be-more-than-friends crush, but nothing extreme. Until _this_. She's never even masturbated thinking about another woman. Well… before Holtzmann, anyway. A majority of her fantasies lately have involved Holtzmann's fingers, mouth, or inventions.

***

On Monday, she starts her list. She even gets a little dressed up. She frowns at herself in the mirror as she puts on mascara and a dress, but she needs a little extra confidence. And surely Holtz will appreciate the sight. As well as the bagels she stops to buy.

She waltzes into Holtzmann's lab fifteen minutes later. "Morning," she says cheerily.

"To what do I owe this… pleasure?" Holtzmann's eyes rake up and down Erin's figure, accentuating the double entendre. Erin grins at her response.

"I just felt like it." It's awkward now that she's faced with the prospect of actually asking Holtzmann her opinions on snapbacks: a fashion faux pas she could never even imagine the engineer wearing. She perches up on the stool beside her, handing over the bagel. "Extra cream cheese."

"You're da best. In da business." Holtzmann puts on a ridiculous accent, winks, and takes a bite of her bagel.

"Holtz...?" Erin bites her lip.

"Yes, my lovely?" Holtzmann scrunches up her nose around a huge mouthful of bagel.

"Have you ever... worn... a snapback?" This is so stupid. Erin feels like her face is about to spontaneously combust. Not to mention Holtz's infuriating habit of licking her lips seductively, which is making Erin a little squirmy. In a good way. A very good, completely inappropriate way.

Holtzmann's head falls to the left questioningly, then she shakes. "No. They're a crime against nature."

Erin shrugs, face still flaming. _So are gays_ , she thinks, echoing her mother's voice.

"Are you okay? You're blushing and I haven't even flirted with you." Holtzmann reaches out and brushes Erin's cheek with a finger. Erin's tiny gay brain splutters and she flees. She runs down the stairs to her rarely used first floor desk, and lays her head on the cool laminate. _Shit shit shit._

***

The next day, she gets them pancakes, perches beside Holtzmann and asks her if she has ever played softball. Holtz laughs out loud, and tells her, no, but _I did once ref a Scientology baseball game._ Erin grins and listens to Holtz tell her some story about a college sorority party.

On Wednesday, it's breakfast burritos and Erin asks whether Holtz prefers cats or dogs. "Chinchillas," she grins. Erin nearly groans in frustration. She has absolutely no usable data. It feels like Holtz is doing it just to screw up her results. But the burritos are good and Holtzmann leans her face on Erin's shoulder when she says thanks, and Erin can't stop smiling.

***

After two weeks of this dance, Holtzmann has had it up to _here_. The breakfasts are nice, but watching Erin getting more and more flustered and confused just makes her uncomfortable.

When Erin sidles up to her with a bagel in a paper bag and greets her on a Thursday, she patiently awaits the day's question. Holtz has been making guesses; she googled lesbian stereotypes in order to better predict. She rewards herself with a verbal pat on the back when she guesses the question ahead of time.

"Do you like herbal tea?" Erin asks immediately after receiving thanks for the bagel.

"Disgusting. Unless I'm sick. Then yes." Holtzmann enjoys giving her answers that make it difficult to pin down. She's also perfectly aware that her answer is exactly the type of thing Erin wants to know because of her purely crush-driven curiosity.

Erin sighs, looking like she's itching to have a pencil to note this new data down.

"Er?" It's time to rip off the Band-Aid.

Erin looks up.

"I'm gay, okay? Like, ten thousand percent gay. Have never even kissed a guy. Can we stop with the questions now?" She means it to sound jokey, to reassure Erin, to stop this charade so that maybe, maybe she can kiss her.

But Erin is bright red, and her lip is trembling, and she flees the lab without another word. Holtzmann puts her head in her hands, tugging her glasses off to pinch her nose.

_Whoops._


	2. Lesbians Don't Bite

The roof. Of course. "Erin?"

Erin's leaning on the railing.

"Hey, Er? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. Are you alright?"

Erin turns around. "I'm fine."

"I can tell when you're lying." Holtzmann leans up beside her. "You get this cute little twitch."

Erin's breath hitches.

"Hey, hey, don't freak. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound harsh. It was cute. The questions. But you could've just asked me. I don't mind. Lesbians don't bite." Holtz grins at the last part, then softens.  

Erin sighs.

"Are you… questioning?" The professional word is unfamiliar on Holtzmann's tongue, so she quickly moves on. "If you're into the gals, I can show you the ropes." When Erin blushes, she hastens to reassure her. "Not… like that. I meant, I can take you to a gay bar and that."

"I don't know…" Erin wrings her hands. "Maybe? I don't _know_. I'm scared. I'm confused."

That's definitely the most communication Holtzmann's ever gotten out of Erin. "Hey, hey. It's alright. You don't have to have it all figured out. You wanna talk about it?" She hops up onto the railing, balancing carefully.

Erin just sighs again in response, leaning out over the city.

"You don't have to talk to me. But I'm here for ya, Er-bear."

"I don't know what to _say_ ," Erin pouts. "You're just so…"

"Mmm-hmm?" Holtz smiles and puts her hands on Erin's shoulders gently.

Erin blushes, weighing her words. "You."

"And how am I supposed to take that, Ms. Gilbert?" Holtzmann winks, then smiles gently, letting Erin know that she's not pushing her.

"You're always flirting with me. And other people," Erin hastens to add. "And you're so confident… I guess I knew. I guess I didn't need to ask about-"

"Don't worry your pretty little head about it, Er. You wanna go to a gay bar tonight? Or not? It's cool. But the offer stands."

Erin tilts her head. "I think that would be fun."

"Okay. Let's do it. Come to my place to get ready? We can make it a proper girls' night?"

"Okay." Erin smiles shyly. "Thank you."

"No sweat," Holtz bats her nose softly, then bounds inside.

***

Holtzmann buzzes Erin up at six, having sent her home with instructions to bring "gay clothes for the bar and pajamas for my place."

She hands Erin some wine. "Did you bring clothes? Show me!" Holtz grins, pointing at the sports bag Erin's carrying.

"Yeah. Here." Erin tugs out a few options, laying them out on the couch. "Is that what you're wearing?" She gestures at Holtzmann's cropped plaid pants and olive green off-the-shoulder crop top.

"Why yes it is, milady."

"You look nice," Erin compliments, glancing down at Holtz's form-fitting shirt and blushing.

"And you will too." Holtzmann picks over the outfits, discarding most of them because _Erin Gilbert, certified heterosexual, will not be my date to a gay bar._

"Shut up," Erin giggles. She balls up the discarded outfits, not in the slightest put out by Holtz's assessment.

"Hold on. I have the perfect shirt for these!" Holtzmann declares, darting into her bedroom and emerging with a sleeveless button-down that ties off.

Erin is already pulling on the cuffed dress pants, turning around and yanking off her shirt to try on the one Holtz is holding. She doesn't notice Holtzmann's rising blush, or the way she deliberately stares at the curtains until Erin asks her what she thinks.

"I think you look like the perfect baby dyke. Leggo." Holtzmann downs the rest of her wine and looks pointedly at Erin's.

"Fine." Erin gulps down hers as well. "Lead the way, my favorite gay."

"That rhymed!" Holtz grins and grabs Erin's hand to tug her down the stairs and into a cab.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kind words you guys are lovely <3 should be another update tomorrow or the day after! Sorry they've been so short, the next one will be longer. Keep leaving those comments you guys are inspiring me!


	3. I'm a Ghostbuster Too!

Holtzmann strides up to the bar, maybe a little over-confident under Erin's nervous bisexual stare. "Two of the gayest drinks you have, please."

The bartender laughs at her as she tries to lean casually on the bar, but falls. "Hey, Holtz. Your usual?"

Holtz nods, smiling at Erin, who's staring at a large cat painting with a vaguely confused look.

"Your latest rebound?" she laughs, shaking the orange juice over the generous helping of gin and ice in the glass.

Holtzmann shakes her head. "That's Erin!" Holtz calls back over the bass line. "She's my newly-bisexual friend."

"Hello, Erin!" The bartender smiles, friendly-like at her, and offers her one of the glasses. "On the house, girls."

Erin looks uncomfortable, and Holtz picks up on it, guiding Erin over to a couch and putting her arm around her. "Doing okay, Gilbert?"

"It's a little overwhelming," she replies.

"Did what she said about the rebound upset you?" Holtz stares Erin down shrewdly.

"God, you're perceptive." Erin shrugs, embarrassed to admit it, nervous.

"I am a bit of a player when I'm not tied down." Holtz shrugs at Erin.

Erin blushes, heart sinking right down to her feet. The early evening had felt special to her, maybe the start of something, but Holtz was just being friendly. Naturally. They were friends. And if Erin had imagined that this night might end with anything more than that, she was mistaken.

"Earth to Gilbert," Holtzmann says, tapping Erin's knee lightly. "I didn't mean to upset you more."

"Oh, no. I'm okay!" Erin smiles brightly and downs her drink in a couple of sips, leaning back on the couch. "So, enlighten me on the world of the gays."

Holtzmann laughs, shocked. "Never say that again, oh my lord. I love you. Okay. What do you want to know? I can hit on a girl to demonstrate if you like." She grins.

Erin didn't think her heart could get any lower, but it plunges right through the floor at that. She nods anyway, Holtzmann getting up and heading for the bar. Erin watches her carefully, but she just pours a glass of water without looking at another lady. She returns and sits down opposite Erin, smiling.

"If- If all you can pick up is that glass of water, you're not doing very well," Erin deadpans, nervous about how her joke will be received. No fear. Holtzmann throws back her head and laughs.

"Never change, Er."

Erin smiles, lubricated by the alcohol. Then Holtzmann leans in, putting her mouth near Erin's ear. "Is that ecto-plasm in your pants or are you just happy to see me?"

Erin bursts out laughing, her glass dipping dangerously close to horizontal, nearly crying.

"Please tell me you've never used that on a girl."

Holtzmann shrugs. "The Ghostbuster thing actually contributes to my street cred a lot. Baby dykes _love_ me. But no. I've been saving that one for you."

"Baby dykes?" Erin picks up on the unfamiliar term the second time around.

"You know. Teen queer girls. I'm like catnip to them."

" _I'm like catnip_ ," Erin mocks, grinning. "You've never actually hooked up with one of them, have you?"

"God, no. What do you take me for, a cougar? I think I've set a lot of them up, though. Oh, look, here we go."

"Kate _McKinnon_?" One of the girls shyly approaches them.

Holtz turns and grins at her. "Nope, sorry. Jillian Holtzmann, avid skier-"

"You're the Ghostbuster! That's even cooler."

Erin coughs meaningfully and Holtz turns to wink at her. "I am indeed." They talk for a few minutes, Erin taking larger and larger sips of her beer until her glass is empty, shooting Holtzmann _looks_. Eventually, Holtz wishes the girl a good night and points her to a more age-appropriate target sitting at the bar.

"I'm a Ghostbuster too," Erin pouts.

" _I'm a Ghostbuster too_ ," Holtzmann mocks back. "I wasn't trying to steal your glory. I just thought as a newly-gay you might not want to be outed to the internet by a fangirl."

"Oh. Thanks. That's… shockingly considerate." Erin had sort of forgotten that they were at a gay bar. Not that she would admit that.

Holtz winks and grins at her. "I've got to meet this friggin' Kate though. I keep getting mistaken for her, but I don't see it. She's a total lipstick lesbian."

"Isn't she that Saturday Night Live one?"

"I think so. Anyway, what else do you want to know about the world of the ladies?"

Erin shrugs. "I leave that up to your queer discretion."

Suddenly, the beer hits Erin and she pulls Holtzmann into a sloppy hug, kissing her hair. "This is fun. Can we dance?"

Holtzmann breaks into a shit-eating grin. "I thought you'd never ask."

Erin stumbles a little bit as they make their way to the dancefloor. She pulls Holtz close, grinding her hips against her. Holtz laughs, holding her back but not reciprocating.

They have a lovely night, Holtzmann lubricating it with enough alcohol that Erin doesn't freak out on her, but not enough that she won't remember it. Erin, for her part, has a fantastic time. She gets approached by more than one woman, and eventually Holtz takes a seat at the bar and lets Erin get carried away by the thrill. She keeps an eye on her, having tugged her aside and firmly told her that all she had to do if she needed an escape was make an okay sign to Holtz. Erin kissed her cheek and disappeared into the crowd.

"You and Sophia broken up then?" Ria leans across the bar in a lull and taps Holtz's shoulder.

Holtzmann shrugs. "No."

Ria frowns. "You're making serious eyes at Erin right now."

"Sophia keeps accusing me of cheating on her and I'm _not_. It's not healthy. Right?" Holtz spins around on her chair and downs the shot Ria slides across to her.

"Are you sure? Sure looks to me like you'd cheat if you had a shot with Erin." Ria sighs.

Holtz presses her forehead to the bar, groaning. "But if I don't do anything I'm not a bad person. Right?"

"Just break up with Sophie. It's not good for either of you. Oh, shoot-" She's pulled away by a string of customers and Holtz takes another gulp of beer. And then another. Erin is beautiful. The way she tosses her hair when she dances, the way she shoots Holtz a wide grin as she types her number into another woman's phone. Holtz doesn't even notice she's frowning until Erin appears beside her and puts her thumb in between her eyes, stroking away the frown line. "Are you okay, Holtzy?"

Holtzmann smiles, shaking away thoughts of Sophie. "I'm good. Are you having fun? Seems like you're a hit with the ladies."

Erin shrugs. "It's nice, but… Do you wanna go home?"

Holtz slides off the bar stool. "Sounds good. Are you sure you wanna go?"

Erin nods. "Kinda tired."

"You can stay at mine if you'd like? It's closer and all." Holtz waves goodbye to Ria, who shoots her a _look_ , and then they thread their way outside, hailing a cab.

Erin doesn't stop smiling the whole way home and Holtzmann doesn't think she's ever seen anything so adorable in her life. Her whole body is alight as she explains everything that happened.

Holtz can practically feel the guilt eating into her.

When they get home, Erin changes into her pajamas in the bathroom, while Holtzmann tries _find_ some pajamas. She eventually settles on an XXXL X-Files shirt and snuggles under her covers. She's almost asleep when Erin joins her. Erin cuddles up to her, pushing her until she's snuggled under Holtz's arm.

"I love you, Holtz. You're my bestest friend." Erin kisses her cheek and falls asleep within ten seconds. Within twenty, her mouth is open and she's drooling on Holtzmann's shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, unexpected holiday without wifi :( hope you enjoy anyway!


	4. Green Vegetables

Erin wakes up in the morning with Holtzmann lying flush against her stomach. Her face is firmly planted between her breasts and she's drooling on Erin's tank top.

Erin stretches a little, trying not to disturb her, but she wakes up instantly. "Erin!" Her face breaks out into a huge smile as she raises her head. "Did you sleep well? How do you feel? Did you enjoy your night? What do you want to do today?"

Erin yawns widely. "It's six in the morning, shh." She puts a finger somewhere on her friend's lips and rolls so that Holtzmann falls onto the bed. Erin pulls the comforter over herself and falls asleep snuggled into Holtz's shoulder.  

By the (far more reasonable) hour of eight, Holtzmann has made pancakes and compiled a list of Gay Activities. Erin rubs her face as she wanders into the kitchen. "Smells good," she murmurs.

Holtz dumps a plate in front of her and sits down. "I found some things for us to do. Trademarked Lesbian Activities. Are you sticking around for the day?"

Erin squints at the paper. "Holtz, have you ever been to a farmer's market in your life? And yes, I'll stick around for this." She giggles.

"Only by accident. I was looking for a new chinchilla cage. Instead I came away with four different green vegetables." Holtz screws up her nose. "Disgusting. Who even knew there were that many green vegetables?"

Erin looks incredulous until Holtz's face splits into a grin and she realises it was a joke. "Let's _not_ do that, then. What do you want to do?"

"Same sex ice dancing could be fun," Holtz shrugs, slightly pink in the cheeks. But maybe that's just Erin's imagination. "I'm not fussed though."

"Let's do that tonight. Fair warning: I've never been skating in my life."

" _Never_?" Holtzmann's jaw literally drops. "We're definitely doing that. Oh, my god. I cannot wait. I'm going to film it all. All of it."

Erin rolls her eyes and swats her arm to shut her up.

***

"Oh, shit!"

Erin _nearly_ falls on her butt, but saves herself by grabbing Holtz's shoulder. Holtzmann bears up under her sliding weight, grinning, and skates backwards until Erin gets her balance back.

It takes half an hour before Erin can skate without clinging to the side, but Holtz stays with her, keeping a constant stream of encouragement and jokes. Finally, Erin reaches out and laces her fingers through Holtzmann's and lets her pull her around by the hand. Holtzmann's hand is warm but not sweaty and she doesn't want to let go.

They get around four laps before Erin finally wobbles over to the side and makes the universal gesture for time-out: flipping the bird as Holtzmann follows and tickles her.

Gasping with laughter, Erin loses her grip on the railing and her skates slip out from under her. She grabs for Holtzmann and then they're both falling, Holtz landing on top of Erin.

Erin struggles for breath, flushing bright red at Holtz's proximity. She smells like hot cocoa and electricity. Erin has _almost_ worked up the courage to close the gap and kiss her, but suddenly Holtz pushes herself upright and holds out a hand to Erin. There's not even a joke about her bad skating and Holtz looks unusually chastened.

Erin clings onto the side, trying to recover from her almost-kiss moment.

"Time for cocoa, yes?"

Erin nods, pulling herself over to the gate and slowly back around to a bench. Holtzmann jumps over the lip of the rink and skates straight to the seat without batting an eyelid. Her skates are off and returned before Erin has even unlaced a single one of hers. Holtzmann pads over in her socks and slides down on one knee, winking and unlacing both of Erin's skates in one fluid motion.

Her mouth is all dry and her skin feels too tight just from seeing Holtz down on one knee. Her mind is running away picturing a proposal, and she doesn't even realise that Holtz is on her feet and asking a question. This is definitely getting out of hand.

"Sorry?" Her face is bright red.

"Are you okay, Erin?" Holtz squats back down, putting a wrist to her forehead. "You're all flushed and sweaty."

Erin's face is about to combust. She's going to die right here, right now, because she can't stop thinking about her friend in entirely inappropriate ways. "Yeah, I-I'm good. Let's go." And she practically flees.

Holtzmann, saying nothing about her strange behaviour, leads her to a coffee shop where she's greets the owner with a high five and finger guns. Erin sits in a comfy booth and waits while Holtz brings over two hot chocolates and a muffin.  

"Here you go. I got you cinnamon just how you like it." Holtz grins, and even though there's a seat opposite Erin, sits right up close to her, head on her shoulder. Erin leans her head back. There's a comfortable silence between them as they sip their drinks.

"This is what you brought me that time I was crying on the roof," Erin says, finally placing the distinctive tang in the cocoa.

Holtzmann shyly nods. A heavy moment passes between them, Erin desperately wanting to just reach over and hold Holtz's hand, but feeling frozen and awkward and all kinds of confused. She settles on another sip of her drink instead, trying to remember to breathe normally.

"Anyway, this is sort of an unofficial queer café. Thought you might like to see it. I like to come here when I need to be alone." Holtzmann breaks the silence, shrugging awkwardly.

She knows how hard it is for Holtzmann to be vulnerable, and it makes her heart flutter with warmth. "It's nice. Hey, Holtz?"

Holtzmann raises an eyebrow in response.

"Thank you. You're one of my best friends, and I just – thanks for showing me your places and being so nice about everything, and I – I'm gonna shut up now. Sorry." Erin lowers her eyes to the table.

Holtzmann grins. "It was my pleasure, Er-Bear." She kisses her on the cheek, and both women blush, Holtzmann pulling away snappily and staring down at her drink without looking at Erin.

***

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

Holtzmann wants to kiss Erin.

Her whole being is pulling her towards that moment, and she has to force herself to yank away like brushing against a boiling kettle. Her hand squeezes unconsciously around her mug handle. She sips down the last of her drink and jumps up, rubbing her hand on her jeans.

"Let's go! Let's get dinner. I'm hungry. Are you hungry? I could really go for, um…" Holtz peters out, realising she's just extended this date charade, that she's awkward . She buries her face in her hands, aware that she's been unbearably weird and Erin is about to cut this short, and she should want that but she doesn't, she wants to spend the rest of her life doing this with Erin, and _shit shit shit_. She's having a little bit of a meltdown.

"Uh, Holtz? It's four in the afternoon."

Holtz groans from behind her hands, which she knows is an unclear and inappropriate response, but she's too swamped to do anything else right now. The whole room is pressing in on her temples and she wants to curl up in a ball.

"Shall we go for a walk? Clear your head?" Erin's voice is unbearably understanding. Holtzmann is a deer in headlights, caught by her emotions. "Can I touch you?" Erin whispers so no one else can hear. Erin knows she doesn't like to be touched unexpectedly, respects it. Holtzmann suddenly wants to cry.  

She nods but doesn't move her hands. Erin puts a warm hand on the small of her back and gently guides her to the door. The cool air soothes her, and a few deep calming breaths let her pull her hands away and resort to stimming by pinching the back of her hand.

Erin stands back, giving her space. When Holtz looks up and nods, she steps forward. "You really freaked out in there, huh? You okay?"

Holtz takes another deep breath. She needs to be alone. Her head hurts, stomach churns a little bit. "Sorry. That was super weird. I'm actually not feeling so great. Do you mind if we rain-check tonight for next weekend?"

Erin nods. "No problem, Holtzy. Can I help?"

"Not really. Think I gotta catch up on sleep or something. See ya next week."

Erin opens her arms and gives Holtz a quick hug before hailing them cabs.

"Bye, Holtz. Feel better, okay?" Erin blows a kiss as Holtz gets into her cab.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was so long coming! My Drive fucked up and I lost a whole lot of writing RIP. But this story is pretty much finished so updates should be relatively regular now <3  
> Hope you enjoy!


	5. "Holtzbert"?

Erin hates herself even more when she gets home and immediately opens up her laptop to google _Jillian Holtzmann girlfriend_.

It might be her insecurities talking, or her desperate crush, but she's almost certain that there's been a few moments between the two of them, and Holtzmann has seemed freaked out by every one. So Erin wants to know if she has a shot.

The first few hits are all celebrity gossip websites featuring blurry paparazzi shots of Holtzmann holding hands with a few different women, most quite old. There's one of her kissing someone with long red hair. Erin bites her lip, embarrassed by the flush of jealousy that rushes through her. She crosses her arm and scrolls further down. Eventually she stumbles onto two things: the first is Tumblr. _Holtzbert_. She laughs out loud at a series of photos that replace Holtzmann's face with the heart eyes emoji. There's hundreds of rants by what she assumes are young queer women – _have y'all seen the way Holtzmann stares at Erin? No way are they not fucking on that nuclear reactor_. Erin grins. Four or five posts down, there's a post that is just a link. She clicks it, having no shame right now.

It takes her to a forum. Curious, she reads a few posts. There's several photographs that she hasn't seen before. One is in a coffee shop that she and Holtz visited a few weeks ago, of the two of them. Holtzmann has her hand over Erin's hand and she's smiling gently. Erin remembers it well.

Erin had arrived a littler earlier than usual and gone to say hi to Holtz, the only other one there. She wasn't working on anything, just staring out at the city, looking like she hadn't had a whit of sleep.

Erin padded across the lab. "Are you okay?"

Holtzmann shrugged.

"Let's go get coffee, huh?" Erin held out her hand. "Get out of here for a bit."

Holtz still hadn't said anything, but she got up and put on her coat. She followed Erin out of the firehouse. Looking across, Erin saw an unusually introspective look on Holtzmann's face. On a hunch, she laced her fingers through Holtz's. "Hey, you don't have to talk. But I'm here."

Holtzmann nodded without a word and let Erin order her usual when they got to their favorite coffee shop. Erin let her sit and drink without a word passing between them, and eventually Holtzmann had reached out and held her hand lightly, still avoiding eye contact.

That day… maybe that was the first time Erin realised she really loved Holtz. The burning desire she had to crush anyone who upset her even a tiny bit might have been the first indication of that. _Hulk Smash_ , she thinks ironically.

 _God._ Erin keeps looking. There's literally paragraphs devoted to analysing every interview they've been in, creep shots of them all over the city. There's a few posts confirming sightings of Holtzmann at bars and having one night stands, but they're quickly swamped by the "holtzbert" shippers.

She's falling into a rabbit hole. She wants to believe them.

Then the doorbell rings. Erin slams her laptop shut like a hot potato and closes her laptop and slides it away from her, getting up to answer it.

***

Holtzmann nearly falls asleep in the cab, and barely makes it up the stairs to her apartment. She needs to sleep for a week, sort out her feelings, maybe eat half a pint of ice cream. That sort of thing. Fumbling her key, she opens the door.

"Oh, god, yeah, baby!" There's soft moans from down the hall.

 _No. Not tonight. Please_. Holtz shoves open the door to her bedroom, resigned to what she's going to find. Sure enough, it's Sophia. And some random girl. And they're naked. In her bed.

"You're kidding me," she says flatly.

The other woman jumps a million miles. "Who are you?"

Holtzmann can't even dredge up the energy to sound angry. "I'm the girlfriend. You're the other woman. And Sophia is about to be out on her ass."

The woman yanks her clothes from the floor. "I am _so sorry_."

Holtzmann stares at the ceiling while the woman dresses and practically runs away. Sophia sits up and shrugs, a smile playing on her face, obviously about to start some kind of mind-game.

"Just get out." Holtzmann drops her bag on the floor, letting out a hefty sigh. She's too tired for this. Stumbling on Sophia's pants, she picks them up and throws them at her. Her keyring clatters to the floor and Holtzmann takes the opportunity to yank the key to her apartment off it.

Sophia gets out.

Holtz doesn't want to be upset. It had been a long time coming. But she's tired and it's been an emotionally taxing day, and she has to sit down and cry before she can do anything else. Eventually she scrubs off her face and stands up.

She doesn't want to be here. It feels sticky and clammy and the memory of her girlfriend tangled up with another woman in her bed is too close for comfort.

She gets out, too.


	6. Emotions

Erin opens her door to Holtzmann and blinks in confusion. She's _got_ to be hallucinating, right? From all her overthinking?

Holtzmann throws herself at Erin and hugs her, shivering into her touch, face in the crook of Erin's neck.

"Holtzy? What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Her head shakes into Erin's shoulder.

"What is it?" Erin gently disentangles herself and holds her at arms' length.

Holtzmann's eyes are rimmed in red, puffy. They're obviously recently-cried-out eyes.

"Holtz, you've been crying. Oh my god." Erin pulls her to the couch, sits her down. Holtzmann hugs a pillow to her chest and doesn't look at Erin. Erin sighs, wondering

Holtz shrugs, hands fiddling, then gets up, goes to the kitchen and come back with a half-eaten tub of Ben and Jerry's and two spoons. The second one she slides towards Erin. The first she digs into the ice cream, sticking an entire spoonful in her mouth.

"Break-up?" Erin finally recognises the symptoms, heart taking a little dive into her shoes. Everything is suddenly a thousand times more complicated. Holtz nods, pulling her feet up on the couch and swallowing another mouthful of ice cream. Erin shuts up and waits for Holtz to string together her thoughts. She knows that her loud friend is uncomfortable talking about her emotions. _She came here, though_. Erin's heart flutters again. This is either the ultimate proclamation of friendship, or… She doesn't let herself finish that thought.

Holtzmann finally breaks the silence with, "Great. Now I feel sick as well as heartbroken." Erin confiscates the ice cream with a wry chuckle and returns with a better solution – a bottle of wine. Holtz makes grabby hands at a glass while pulling Erin into a tight hug with the other arm. Erin pours them both generous glasses and watches as Holtz drinks most of hers in two gulps.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Erin offers hesitantly, unsure where Holtzmann is at with communication. Holtz shakes her head and pours herself more wine.

It doesn't take long for her to get tipsy, and then her lip starts trembling. Erin moves towards her and envelopes her, pre-empting the crying by a few seconds. She rocks them while Holtz recovers, and then without any prompting she starts talking. Fast and incoherent in some places, Erin tries to follow with mixed success. From what she can gather, Holtz's long-term girlfriend – Erin swallows hard – accused her of cheating, a huge fight ensued, and then she revenge-fucked another woman in Holtz's bed. Holtzmann sighs. All of a sudden, she looks like she hasn't slept in a week. Erin rubs her back gently, letting her rest against her shoulder.

After a quiet minute, Holtz raises her head and before Erin realises what is happening, she's kissing Erin. It's sloppy from the wine, it tastes salty and sour, and Erin moans without meaning to, and then her brain catches up. She gasps, breaks the kiss and pushes Holtz away.

"No," she says firmly, and Holtzmann backs off immediately. She curls into herself in the corner of the couch, hands over her face.

"Shit, I'm sorry, it's just-" And then she's crying _again_.

 _Shit shit shit shit._ She has to do something, make this normal again. "Holtz, c'mon. Look at me." Holtzmann slowly raises her head. "It's okay. I'm not mad. Hey, hey. Can I touch you?" At a tearful nod, Erin catches her hands as she fidgets. "Holtz… I'm into this, okay? I don't want to be just your rebound, though. Can we just look after you for now? How can I help?" Her voice breaks a little at the last, but she's trying really hard, no matter how hard her heart is thumping against her breastbone.

"Hold me." It's a tiny whisper, and Holtz looks on the verge of crying again. Erin obligingly opens her arms. Holtzmann cuddles into them, tears dampening Erin's jumper. It's only a few minutes later that her ragged crying turns into smooth, sleepy breaths, and Erin realises she's pinned down. She figures it doesn't matter, that Holtz needs to escape the world for a little while, and stays there, absent-mindedly stroking her back until she falls asleep herself.

***

Holtzmann wakes up first. Her mouth is dry and her head hurts and she needs to be somewhere small. She lurches off the couch and to the first place she can think of – Erin's closet. And yes, she realises the irony. She wraps one of Erin's soft jumpers around herself, rocking back and forth, letting the darkness soothe her throbbing headache. As she properly wakes up, the night before comes rushing back to her. Sophia, the other woman, kissing Erin. _Kissing Erin._

Uh oh.

That's not good.

There are a lot of emotions festering inside her right now: the cheating, the break up, Erin, Erin, Erin… Erin… She groans as she buries her face in the jumper and rocks more.

"Holtz?" Erin yanks open the closet door. "What are you _doing_?"

Holtzmann raises her head, not up to explanations at all.

Erin squats down next to her. "Are you creeping in my tweed wardrobe or are you upset?"

Holtzmann dredges up a smile and holds up two fingers, hoping Erin knows her well enough to know that she means the second option.

"Thought so. Can I come in?" Erin works out the gesture and sits back on her heels.

Holtzmann tilts her head and nods. Erin clambers in the closet, knocking a bunch of her shoes out of place. She puts an arm around Holtzmann and smooths her hair back, guiding her until she's leaning back against Erin. She seems to understand that Holtzmann can't form words. She stays quiet, breathing calmly. Holtz relaxes. Really relaxes, until she's half-asleep on Erin's shoulder.

And then she remembers _The Kiss_ and sits up abruptly, all of her vocal capabilities magically restoring by a mix of adrenaline and nausea. "I'm sorry about last night – I don't want you to think you're just a rebound, oh shit, I'm not…" She covers her face. "I was just confused and I get it if you don't want anything to do with me and-"

"Shush." Erin leans forward, touching her nose to Holtzmann's, eyes open and holding her in place. Holtz's breath catches in her throat, heart thumping audibly in the small space. "It's okay. You got screwed over yesterday. I get it. Let's talk about it in a couple weeks."

Holtz nods, unable to form an answer.

"I'm guessing you don't want to go home, huh?" Erin pats her upper thigh gently.  

Holtz's mouth trembles a little bit and in lieu of an answer she snuggles into Erin's chest. Erin holds her and gently rocks her until her stomach rumbles loudly.

Erin giggles softly. "Would you like breakfast?"

Holtzmann pulls away and nods.

"Do you need it in here or you want to come to the kitchen?" From anyone else it would be mocking, but from Erin it's serious, completely respectful of her needs. Holtzmann folds herself out of the closet after Erin in response.

"Not up to talking?" Erin's brow furrows and she brushes Holtz's elbow softly as they make their way to the kitchen. Holtz shakes her head, feeling the weight of the world on her tongue. "Okay. That's okay, Holtzy. French toast?"

Holtzmann nods, offering to help by opening the cutlery drawer. Erin covers her hands and shakes her head. "I'll do it. Just relax." She's so tall that she barely has to move to kiss Holtzmann's forehead. Holtz freezes halfway through closing the cutlery drawer, panicking. Erin pick up on it, because she says exactly what Holtz needs to hear. "Platonic besties for now, okay?" Holtzmann nods and closes the drawer all the way.

Erin hums softly as she moves around the kitchen. Holtz traces the lines of the tiles on Erin's counter, pouring all of her concentration into it so she doesn't have to think about anything else. As Erin cooks, she slides a glass of water and some Advil across the counter.

Holtz catches Erin's eye and smiles a thank you.

Erin smiles back.

They're going to be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there's only an epilogue after this? Honestly I'm not too sure the next part is the only part I hadn't written before I started posting so we'll see hahahaha.


	7. Jingle Barack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay I lied this isn't the epilogue I'm sorry. Also it got smutty whoops

"Hey, Er, can I show you this funny video?" Holtz already has Erin's laptop on her knees, opening the screen.

"Sure, hold on a sec…" Erin leans over and swipes her fingerprint to unlock it, and then Holtz cackles.

"Holtzbert?" she snickers. Erin glances at the screen and suddenly remembers what she'd shut her laptop on. She is frozen, mortified. "So, you like me then, huh?" she heaves out between gasps of laughter, scrolling through the holtzbert tag. She settles on Erin's favourite one, with Holtzmann's face blanked out by heart eyed emojis.

Erin snatches the laptop off her, cheeks stained red, and closes the window with a huff. "I was just…" There's no possible excuse for this. Or if there is, she just can't think of it under the pressure of Holtzmann's gleeful gaze.

"Mmm-hmm? You were just…?" Holtz says, leaning forward, one eyebrow raised. She's smirking, but it's not unkind.

"Just… researching for our social media presence."

"Erin, that's a drawing of you eating me out." Holtz points at the screen.

"Oh, shit. I thought I closed it all! Come on, technology. Cut me a break." Erin puts her head in her hands. Holtzmann eases the laptop from her lap, meeting no resistance.

"It's okay, we can pretend it never ha- Oh my god! You read twelve pages of this!" Holtzmann has her browser history open and is in tears of laughter again.

"I thought I put it in private mode!" Erin protests jokingly. She's reassured by the way Holtzmann isn't angry or disgusted at her. "Oh, fuck off, Holtzmann." She's still cackling, and maybe Erin would be more ticked off if she hadn't seen Holtzmann cry her body weight in tears over the past twenty-four hours. The laughter is a nice change. She just shrugs when Holtz catches her eye, grimacing in acknowledgement of her own awkwardness. Holtzmann smiles back, then finally closes the window with one last chuckle. Then she opens up YouTube and looks up an SNL parody called "Jingle Barack". It thoroughly confuses Erin until Leslie Jones appears, and then she starts gasping with laughter.

"Oh, click on 'Hillary Actually'," Erin points. Holtz obliges.

This quickly turns into an hour-long marathon of Saturday Night Live clips on the couch, which does a number on Erin's back. Eventually, she shifts uncomfortably and reaches up to rub her shoulder.

"I can do that, if you want." Holtzmann lays her hands over Erin's shoulders. At a murmur of assent from Erin, she digs her fingers into the tense muscles. Erin groans.

"That's so good. _Fuck_ ," Erin says.

"You carry a lot of tension in your shoulders." Holtzmann chuckles as Erin wriggles under her touch.

"Thanks, Holtzy," Erin says. "Thank you _so much_." She moans breathily. It's a little more drawn-out than Holtz's light rubbing warrants.

The laptop keeps playing shorts from Saturday Night Live, but Erin isn't paying attention. Holtz's fingers are _magical_. Her shoulders feel like jelly by the time Holtz lifts her hands away. Erin shifts on the couch, trying to ignore a certain tingly feeling in between her legs.

"Magic fingers, huh?" Holtz winks at Erin, and it's too much. Erin buries her head in her hands and groans. "Oh, no. Was it too hard? Shit, I'm sorry, sometimes I get carried away."

Erin lets out an incoherent murmur.

"I didn't catch that." Holtz sits back, nervously rubbing her fingers over her sweatpants.

"You're just so _hot_ ," Erin manages from between her fingers.

"Platonic besties," Holtz reminds her.  

"Screw platonic besties," Erin mutters, bringing her hands away from her face, hoping to god she's read the situation right.

She has. Holtz moves closer, blinking slowly, cupping Erin's cheek with a hand. "I'm going to kiss you now," she whispers.

Erin nods, in awe of the moment.

Holtz brings her lips to Erin's and softly, ever so softly, brushes them against hers. It's everything her sloppy attack from last night wasn't. She brings her hand up and twines it through Holtz's hair, pulling her closer. Holtz kisses her passionately, hands roaming, laptop thrust aside. Erin gets her knee in between Holtz's legs and Holtzmann groans, arching into her. Erin has a _serious_ problem in her panties now.

"Can we at least go to my bedroom?" Erin asks, breaking the kiss for a precious few seconds. "Don't want… _oh_ … my first time… _fuck, Holtz_ … to be on a couch." Holtzmann's thigh is moving up against her in exactly the right way.

"Your _first time_? What is this, an after-school special?" Holtzmann giggles, not mocking her. Erin bats her upper arm lightly in retaliation. "Are you sure about this, Er? I mean… I get it if you want to experiment, learn about your sexuality- _Jesus Christ, have mercy_." Erin is sucking her nipple and all coherent thoughts flee her mind. "Just say the word if you want to stop."

Erin just shoots her an incredulous look as she leads the way to the bedroom.

"What do you like?" Holtz questions as she pulls off Erin's shirt.

"I don't know," Erin says. "First time, remember?"

"No, I mean, with guys," Holtz says impatiently, rolling Erin's nipples between her fingers until they stiffen.

Erin moans in response. "I… don't know… It was always the same. In, out, in, out, come, go."

Holtz looks appalled. "No foreplay?" Her eyes widen in concern. "Tell me what you don't like as I go, okay? Don't be afraid to speak up." She rubs Erin's stiffened nipples with her thumb, eliciting a jerky motion from Erin's hips.

"That… that's good," Erin says, arching under her touch. "I think I like… my neck." Holtz obligingly kisses, then sucks, her neck. "Yeah, that's… oh, _fuck_ … that's good."

Holtzmann snakes her hand towards Erin's pants, then looks up for permission. "I'm going to ask you every step of the way here, so feel free to say no at any time, okay?"

"If I say no, I've been possessed."

Holtz grins. "So, I can take off your pants?"

Erin nods frantically. Holtzmann does so. "Panties?"

Erin does it herself, impatient. She spreads her legs. Swallowing heavily, Holtz says, "I'm going to touch you now, okay?"

"If you like… I can show you… how I like to do it?" Erin offers. The very thought of watching Erin masturbate has Holtz squirming.

"Yes, god, yes." Holtzmann watches as Erin brings a hand to the shock of dark hair and rubs her clit. Holtzmann has to stop her hands twitching towards her own centre. This is about Erin, she reminds herself. As Erin slowly brings herself to climax, one part of Holtz's brain is taking clinical notes about how to repeat the feat. The rest of her brain is running in a little circle screaming _this is gay and everything is gay and you are gay_.

When Erin finally climaxes, she has two fingers buried inside herself and two pressed hard to her clit. Holtz watches as she slows right down to allow herself time to enjoy the orgasm, filing away each piece of information for future reference.

"You didn't touch yourself," Erin says once she's cleaned up.

"I… Was I supposed to?" Holtz is wrong-footed, used to being the experienced one.

"I don't know," Erin says wryly. "I've never done this before."

"Well then." Holtz flops onto her back. "I'm going to do it now if you don't mind."

"Fine by me," Erin grins. She props herself up and watches curiously as Holtzmann strips off her shirt but not her bra and leaves her panties on. She slides a hand inside so that Erin can see her fingers outlined and the wet patch on them. It's hot… for about thirty seconds.

Then the anxiety hits her. She can't breathe. She is watching one of her best and only friends masturbate on her bed the day after getting dumped. She masturbated herself not a minute ago. This is her colleague, her friend, her… _Shit shit shit shit._

She slowly eases herself off the bed, backing into the corner of her room. The sturdy press of grey walls on her back eases her breathing for a moment, before Holtzmann speaks. "Erin? Erin, are you okay?"

Erin can't open her eyes, certain she'll cry. She tries counting in her head to calm herself, but it doesn't work. Her breathing is getting shallower.

"Can you talk to me?" Holtzmann's voice is soft, and much, much closer than it should be. Erin instinctively shrinks backwards. "It's okay, I won't come any closer. Panic attack?"

Erin manages to nod.

"Listen to my voice, E. Breathe for me. In, out. In, out. That's right. Good girl. Can you feel the wall? That's good. It's solid, right? Not going anywhere. Just like me. More deep breaths. In, out. Just shake if you want me to stop. In, out." Holtz keeps up the steady patter. Her voice is fading and sharpening as Erin tries to come back to herself. After a few minutes, she opens her eyes, finally breathing easier. She's out of the worst throes of the panic attack.

"Thanks."

"No biggie. Wanna talk about it? Or not, that's cool too." Holtzmann's eyes are wide and understanding. Erin's lip trembles. "Uh oh," Holtz whispers pre-emptively. "Here, hug me." Erin falls into her arms, only crying a little bit.

"Sorry," she blubbers.

"No biggie." Holtzmann strokes her hair. "Besties, right?"

Erin giggles shakily.

"Wanna go back to watching YouTube?" Holtzmann absent-mindedly brushes away some of the tears with her thumb. "C'mon." She leads Erin gently to the couch, then tucks a blanket around her shoulders. "It's okay."

This is very confusing. She should really tell Holtz how she's feeling. It's only fair, after all. She's not the only one emotionally invested in the situation. Maybe Holtz has a bright idea to fix it. As she's trying to form the words, Holtz sits a respectful distance from her on the other end of the couch.

"Holtz-" Erin takes a deep breath. "I'm scared about this." It's not what she wanted to say. Hopefully Holtzmann understands.

"Scared that you're a rebound? Scared about being bisexual? Scared about ruining the Ghostbusters?"

Erin nods, small under the blanket. "All of the above."

"You're not a rebound." Holtz says simply. There's more to come, but Erin can't resist the urge to kiss her, so she does. It's not soft or gentle. It's kind of messy, and then Erin almost falls off the couch, and Holtzmann has to pull her back up, giggling. They lie in each other's arms. Erin sighs contentedly.

"I can't make promises about the other two," Holtzmann says. "But I'll be by your side no matter what, okay? Friends or more, whatever you need."

"Promise?" she whispers.

"Promise," Holtz replies, lacing their fingers together. Erin doesn't pull away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took me more than a week to write u guys :( but I think it's longer than normal, so, yay?


	8. All That Jazz

"Erin, what's happening here?" Holtzmann asks. It's nine pm on Sunday night. They have to go back to work tomorrow. She doesn't want to push Erin, but she needs a little bit of clarification on how she can act at work.

"I'm not sure," Erin says after a moment's pause. Holtzmann's heart starts beating faster, and Erin's eyes snap to her face. "Hey, it's okay. That's not a rejection, give me a second to sort my thoughts out, Holtz." Erin closes her eyes, obviously to think.

Holtzmann relaxes. She knows what it's like to need to order her thoughts before saying them aloud.

"Okay," Erin says. "I'm still not sure. Because I don't know what you want or need from me. What does this mean? I want to figure it all out, because I think… I mean, I'm pretty certain, we're heading for a relationship. I'm reading this right, right? The kissing and the cuddling and the talking?"

Holtzmann rolls her eyes, unable to resist. "I don't think we're heading for a relationship. I think we're already in one, present tense."

Erin shrugs. "Okay."

"We're dating," Holtzmann says, to test the feeling of the words.

"No-" Erin blinks. "I guess… yes. That's accurate."

"What's the no about?" Holtzmann's heart drops.

"It wasn't. Just a slip of the tongue." Erin shakes her head, fiddling with her hands. She's obviously uncomfortable. This is so _hard_. This is why Holtzmann had a strict "no relationship" policy, before Erin.

"No, I mean, something's going on up there. You said it, even if you didn't mean it. I'm not mad. Talk to me, Er." Holtzmann keeps her voice even. She knows this is hard for Erin, and she's trying to keep her own emotions in check, because there's more to this than Erin's romantic interest – there's the sexuality thing, Erin's anxiety, the workmates thing. Not to mention Holtz's own issues, which she pushes onto the backburner for now.  

"I'm still figuring out my sexuality and everything… I'm worried that I might be too flaky for you, or I might decide that I can't do this, and it'll ruin everything. Not to mention, we _work together_. That could get real complicated."

Holtzmann nods carefully. "I get it." She tilts her head, trying to figure out a solution. She wants to say that if they go back now, it's going to be horribly awkward anyway. They might as well just take the plunge. She wants to tell Erin that she'll be everything she needs, if she'll just let her have a chance. She wants to lean over and kiss her until she forgets every doubt she has. _Shut up, Jillian_ , she tells herself. She settles on, "If you need time… I would wait for you."

Erin blinks, smiling slowly. "That's so sweet, Holtzy." She shakes her head. "But I'm not going to ask you to wait, not after everything you've done for me. That's not fair."

Holtzmann stiffens up. _So now she's going to say she can't do this._ Unconsciously, she starts pinching the back of her hand. She's fighting her straight-girl-preservation instincts, every one of which is screaming _run_.

"Holtz. It's okay." She pulls Holtz's hand to her mouth and presses a kiss to it. "I want to be with you. Now and forever. It's just my anxiety. I'm trying, okay?"

Holtzmann squeezes Erin's hand. "I'm sorry. This is hard. There's so much to talk about, to figure out. Relationships are hard and all that jazz."

"I know." Erin puts her head. "I'm… honestly, I'm struggling with everything." There's a break in her voice that belies just how hard this is for her. Holtzmann's heart squeezes.

"Can I help?" No matter how complicated the rest of it is, Holtzmann wants to support her.

"Just being here helps." Erin turns her head to Holtz and half-smiles.

"Well, I'm here for you, then." Holtzmann rubs Erin's shoulder. "If you want to talk it out, r not, up to you."

Erin shrugs. "Okay. But can we just… be together for now? Without labelling it?"

"Of course, Er-Bear." Holtzmann restrains her sigh so that Erin doesn't hear. She's used to this sort of behaviour from straight girls, and most of them go back to being straight after their first or second orgasm with her. Erin is different, Holtz tells herself. She _has_ to be. And she's tamping down her feelings and nodding along, because the last thing Erin's anxiety needs is to be fuelled by Holtzmann's own reservations.

But Erin knows. She's eyeing her with a wry grin. "It scares you, doesn't it? The same things I'm worried about? That I'm a straight girl who's going to break your heart?"

Holtzmann nods, suddenly wrong-footed. "I… a little."

Erin nods pensively, looking tired. "Oh, fuck it," she says suddenly. "I'll stick it out with you, if you'll stick it out with me?"

"Do you even have to ask?" Holtzmann grins, finally reassured. If nothing else, Erin knows her better than anyone else. "Of course, baby. Kiss me."

And so she does.

***

"Is this okay? Do you want a safe word?" Holtzmann kisses her way down Erin's neck.

"I can say no. I know you won't be mad."

"Of course not, Er." Holtzmann pops up to kiss Erin on the mouth and is met with a smile.

" _Shit_ , Jill." Erin moans as Holtzmann thumbs both her nipples.

"Does that feel good?"

"So fucking good. I want this. I want you."

Holtzmann brushes a hand down to Erin's pajamas, giving her ample time to say no before tugging off her pants and underwear.

"I'm gonna come, I'm gonna… _fuck, fuck, fu-uck_." Holtzmann slows down as Erin clenches around them.

"Breathe, Erin." Erin's moaning practically has Holtzmann coming on the spot.

"Jilly… I love you." Erin is holding her breath. Holtzmann bites her lip.

There's a pregnant pause before Holtzmann gets the words out. "I love you too."

A glow lights in Holtzmann's chest and doesn't go out.

"Your turn now," Erin smiles.

"Fuck me, Erin."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OkAY i'm soRRY I lied about it being the last chapter but I SWEAR TO GOD I've finished it now and I won't keep dragging this out indefinitely. I promise. Also, still with the smut. Thanks for being such a lovely bunch of readers y'all. Mwah. Also, anyone care to explain the algorithm that decides how things are ordered when they get posted on here? It still confuses the heck out of me.


	9. There's a Toaster on the Loose

"Patty? Patty, get down here."

Erin and Holtzmann had decided to be cautious about the way they introduced their relationship to the others, because there was the whole "colleagues" bit to navigate, not to mention Erin's anxiety about coming out.

"Good morning to you too, Abby," Erin says stiffly. Abby is grinning far too widely for this to be a normal Monday morning. "What did you do to my desk? If you set it on fire I'm going to-"

"They did it! They finally did it! You owe me twenty bucks!" Abby says gleefully as Patty's boots hit the floor with a thwack.

"They… Erin and Holtzy?" Patty screws up her nose. "Aw, damn. I thought it would take at least another month."

"Pay up, Patty!"

"I'm sorry, what? What are you talking about?" Erin says in the most level voice she can manage. Strangely, she's not panicking. She's just relieved that they don't seem to be mad at her.

"You and Holtzmann got together, right?" Abby doesn't even look up from counting out twenty dollars in change from Patty's parking money.

"I… noooo…" Erin has never been a good liar at the best of times.

"Cut the crap," Patty jumps in. "You have that dreamy look."

Erin rolls her eyes. She's inwardly surprised that she's not upset by this, but they seem happy. Well, Abby seems happy. Patty seems resigned to losing her parking money. "I do not have a… a dreamy look."

"Did y'all arrange to arrive five minutes apart so that we wouldn't suspect anything? Man, y'all dumb as shit," Patty says.

Holtzmann chooses that moment to walk in the door. They had, in fact, scheduled it so that they didn't walk in together, despite Holtzmann having kept Erin up until the early hours of the morning.

"Oh my god, look at you. You definitely got laid last night." Abby grins at Holtz's fluffy hair and the same outfit she was wearing on Friday.

"And what's it to you, Abigail? Jealous?"

"Been there, done that," Abby says, grinning evilly. "We went to college together, remember?"

"Abby!" Erin yells at Patty's howl of laughter. "Don't tell my girlfriend-"

"Oh, so you admit it?" Holtzmann, Abby, and Patty say simultaneously. Abby and Patty both turn to Holtzmann in confusion.

"It's been an interesting weekend," she shrugs. "Where's Kevin? I brought him a Rubik's cube with only one colour on it since he broke the normal one."

"He's in the kitchen," Abby points. "Make sure he hasn't put a knife in the toaster again."

He's trying to unplug the toaster, but he's pulling at the end that's attached to the toaster, not the wall. "Kevin, it's not a cellphone, ya big ole robot, you gotta-"

"Oh, hi, Holtz," he says. "I got a call before anyone arrived. They said there was a loud toast in their bedroom. That doesn't make any sense."

"For once in your life, you're right, Kevin, congratulations. Girls, we got a bust," Holtzmann yells over her shoulder. She pulls Kevin's toast out from the toaster and chows down on it. "Let's go!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the ride :* I never intended for this to become a semi-angsty fluffy smutty thing? It was meant to be a humourous one-shot. Shit got away from me.  
> Anyway there's a short sequel to be had, and in the meantime check out my newest one. :) Love y'all

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed. Please leave a comment to encourage me to keep writing, I've been kind of down on it this week so some cheering up might go a long way!


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